Shh… We Don’t Talk About It

Is sexualization a bad word?  The word sexualization is seen in a bad light, and for good reason.  Sexualization means that you make something or someone sexual. The problem with sexualization is that it can cause people to look at another person (usually women) as an object, whose sole purpose is their satisfaction. Sexualization will never go away, so let’s look more into this.

 We all like looking at others, it’s human nature. We are visually attracted to others.  People’s physical appearance is often the first thing we notice, and there is nothing wrong with that.  However, if we learn to not only appreciate the visual attraction, but also learn that bodies are intricate, amazing, and worthy of respect, life can be so different. We can learn that sexualization does not mean objectification or consent. We can learn to enjoy the art of sexuality in the media but also learn that it is not the whole story.

We live in an over sexualized society. There is no question about that, but the reality is that we are not talking about sex enough.  Not where it really matters. Sex is everywhere.  We are constantly bombarded with it, but shh... don’t talk about it.  This is where the problem lies.

Love at first sight

We have all seen someone walking down the Target aisle and had to do a double-take.  There are beautiful people out there (the most amazing thing about this, is that beautiful looks different to everyone).  It is human nature to look at people that we find attractive.  Let’s look beyond that.

 I am sure most people reading this have thought about what sex might be like with someone they saw.  We all do it, we all fantasize. 

Now, if someone attracted you so much that your mind went there, don’t you think it would be awesome to prepare for that what if.  What if you get to know that girl in the shampoo aisle? What if that moment you dream of is coming true? Wouldn’t you want to make sure that moment is awesome? 

For this reason, it is important to learn about what you are getting yourself into.  Just because you have had sex before 1 or 1000 times it does not mean you know what you are doing.  So, take the time to learn about the human body, take the time to know how each body is unique and imperfectly beautiful. Take the time to learn about sex and orgasms and pleasure.  There is no shame in being an adult and not really understanding how things work.  After all, we have been taught not to talk about it. How can we learn if we don’t talk about it?   

Sex and the Media

How many of us have watched porn and then ran to the bedroom to try that super sexy position you saw in the movie only to be completely disappointed?  Yup, it happens to the best of us.  Sex in the media is over glamorized.  I mean don’t get me wrong, sex is awesome, but it is not a perfect act full of picture-perfect positions.  Sex is meant to be perfectly imperfect.  Your body does not need to look the way the bodies in the movie look.  You might have a little more, you might have a little less.  A position that looked sexy in the movie might feel completely awkward and uncomfortable.

There is nothing wrong with watching a movie or reading a little erotica to get the blood flowing. However, remember to reconnect with reality, and love the messiness of sex, and the raw beauty of your partner.  So, with all of that in mind…

Let’s talk about sex

Everything in the world revolves around communication. Sex is no exception.  It is a two-way exchange in which you express yourself and listen to the other person.

Yes, it is ok to talk about sex!  Talk to your partner and tell them what feels good.  Tell them that you want to try that new position.  Tell them that you did not like that new position.  Tell your partner what is working and what is not working.   

Here is a surprise for you, you can even talk during sex.  Encourage what you are liking by letting your partner know that you liked it. It’s ok to tell them to stop if you are not liking what they are doing. Even, if they are enjoying it.  Sex is a two-person activity. Now, that is not to say that there is anything wrong with doing something for your partner with the sole purpose of pleasuring them even if it is doing nothing for you, as long as you feel safe.  Sex is made up of many moments, if one moment is not for you the next one may be. If you are expressing your needs and listening to your partner’s needs both of you can have a happy ending.

In conclusion, most people like sex, most people sexualize other people.  This does not mean, it’s ok to be disrespectful of others.  It also does not mean that others are there for the sole purpose of your sexual pleasure.  We are all human beings we all deserve to be treated respectfully and equally.  Learn about sex, learn about your partner, and learn about yourself.  By learning and talking about it we can have a more educated and sexually satisfied community.